So sorry Rich. My brother in law just passed a few days ago. He had Alzheimer's and Parkinson disease. Hard to watch them go. Will be thinking of you both.
Connie (Mrs. WebSlave)
- Thread starter WebSlave
- Start date
Today, I gave my last gift to my wife. On 11-02-2023 a pastor from the local church came by to visit. He blessed and saved Connie. Unfortunately I had a doctor's appointment and had to leave, so I didn't witness the entire thing. When I came back, the pastor was gone, but Connie looked at me smiling, and said "I have been saved." She looked so relieved.
Her sisters bought her a necklace with a cross on it to signify the event. Connie wanted to make it special and asked to have it engraved with the date. So today I did that for her on the laser. My hands were shaking the entire time, because I only had one shot to get it right. That cross is so small.
But it came out beautifully, and I put the necklace back around her neck, knowing this will be the last gift I can ever give her while she is alive.
I don't expect her to live through the weekend.
Her sisters bought her a necklace with a cross on it to signify the event. Connie wanted to make it special and asked to have it engraved with the date. So today I did that for her on the laser. My hands were shaking the entire time, because I only had one shot to get it right. That cross is so small.
But it came out beautifully, and I put the necklace back around her neck, knowing this will be the last gift I can ever give her while she is alive.
I don't expect her to live through the weekend.
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Connie passed away this morning at roughly 5:30am.
Rich, I'm so sorry. (((hug)))
Rich, I am truly sorry for your loss.
It was very odd Saturday morning.
I distinctly heard Connie's voice call out "Punkie!". That is short for the pet name we use for each other, "Punkin' Baby". The voice was her voice before her rapid down hill slide the past week or so. I was in a dead sleep on the couch next to her hospital bed. I happened to check my phone on the couch and it was exactly 5:30am. Not sure why, it just seemed important at the time.
So I got up to check to make sure she was still breathing. She was not. Her face was cold to the touch, but the back of her neck and torso were warm. I put an O2 sensor on her finger to check her pulse, and it was a straight line. Yeah, that is when I lost it. My Punkin' Baby had died. But somehow she called out to me in her passing.
Hospice was called and someone came out to verify that she was no longer alive. Then the funeral home was called and they took her body away. It is all a blur now. But I will never forget her face laying on the bed looking like wax and the fingers on her hands crossed across her chest being almost white. She looked so beautiful.
Now just to add to the weirdness, this morning I was awakened from a deep sleep, and felt I needed to see what time it is. It was 5:30am again. That was the only time I checked the time the entire night.
Real curious to see if that happens again. I sure would want to know what it means.
No idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life now. Connie's two sisters are still here, but soon they will need to return to their own lives. Being here all alone is going to be very trying, at best. Hopefully the meds I have been taking for just over a week will be able to pull me through with my sanity intact. But I really feel fragile and brittle around the edges.
I distinctly heard Connie's voice call out "Punkie!". That is short for the pet name we use for each other, "Punkin' Baby". The voice was her voice before her rapid down hill slide the past week or so. I was in a dead sleep on the couch next to her hospital bed. I happened to check my phone on the couch and it was exactly 5:30am. Not sure why, it just seemed important at the time.
So I got up to check to make sure she was still breathing. She was not. Her face was cold to the touch, but the back of her neck and torso were warm. I put an O2 sensor on her finger to check her pulse, and it was a straight line. Yeah, that is when I lost it. My Punkin' Baby had died. But somehow she called out to me in her passing.
Hospice was called and someone came out to verify that she was no longer alive. Then the funeral home was called and they took her body away. It is all a blur now. But I will never forget her face laying on the bed looking like wax and the fingers on her hands crossed across her chest being almost white. She looked so beautiful.
Now just to add to the weirdness, this morning I was awakened from a deep sleep, and felt I needed to see what time it is. It was 5:30am again. That was the only time I checked the time the entire night.
Real curious to see if that happens again. I sure would want to know what it means.
No idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life now. Connie's two sisters are still here, but soon they will need to return to their own lives. Being here all alone is going to be very trying, at best. Hopefully the meds I have been taking for just over a week will be able to pull me through with my sanity intact. But I really feel fragile and brittle around the edges.
Short term plans are to plan for the funeral, I'm sure Connie's sisters will help. Then give yourself time to grieve and accept Connie's death.
After that, decide whether you want to stay where you are. It may be too much to stay in a place where everything reminds you of Connie, all the gardens and trees you planted for her.
And you might decide that keeping up with your large estate, and the possibilities of hurricanes and adverse weather are just too much to contemplate, and that you might want to move.
You have many well wishers here, and many who want to keep you in their thoughts and prayers. Give yourself time to think through what you might want from the future.
After that, decide whether you want to stay where you are. It may be too much to stay in a place where everything reminds you of Connie, all the gardens and trees you planted for her.
And you might decide that keeping up with your large estate, and the possibilities of hurricanes and adverse weather are just too much to contemplate, and that you might want to move.
You have many well wishers here, and many who want to keep you in their thoughts and prayers. Give yourself time to think through what you might want from the future.
I have no idea what I am going to do. Connie said it will give me happiness to see the things we have done here together and remember those times. I told her I thought it would be like razor blades cutting into my heart. She asked me to promise her I would not do anything drastic for at least 3 months. Others have said giving it a year would probably be better.
I am rather isolated here. But honestly, a friend took all three of us to dinner on Sunday, and even in a crowd I felt alone. Maybe even more so, because Connie wasn't there with me. So moving somewhere else likely wouldn't solve anything. Anywhere I would go I would still be without Connie.
Debbie and Karen are leaving in the morning. So I will be here all alone afterwards, and not really sure how that is going to hit me. It was somewhat comforting having someone around here. But they have to get back to their lives, and I have to figure out mine now.
Wish Hospice had picked up the equipment. Kind of unsettling to have that hospital bed Connie died in still sitting in the middle of the family room.
Been taking the escitalopram my PCP prescribed for me daily, and occasionally will pop a diazepam. Wish the tech who showed up to confirm Connie's passing away hadn't destroyed all the stress relieving pills Hospice had prescribed for her. May have come in handy sometime. But I think the escitalopram must be working at least somewhat, because I am not exactly the basket case I thought I would be. Only intermittently throughout the day.
I am rather isolated here. But honestly, a friend took all three of us to dinner on Sunday, and even in a crowd I felt alone. Maybe even more so, because Connie wasn't there with me. So moving somewhere else likely wouldn't solve anything. Anywhere I would go I would still be without Connie.
Debbie and Karen are leaving in the morning. So I will be here all alone afterwards, and not really sure how that is going to hit me. It was somewhat comforting having someone around here. But they have to get back to their lives, and I have to figure out mine now.
Wish Hospice had picked up the equipment. Kind of unsettling to have that hospital bed Connie died in still sitting in the middle of the family room.
Been taking the escitalopram my PCP prescribed for me daily, and occasionally will pop a diazepam. Wish the tech who showed up to confirm Connie's passing away hadn't destroyed all the stress relieving pills Hospice had prescribed for her. May have come in handy sometime. But I think the escitalopram must be working at least somewhat, because I am not exactly the basket case I thought I would be. Only intermittently throughout the day.
I picked up Connie's cremains from the funeral home today. Was rough, but at least I didn't fold up like a wet noodle.
Not sure if it would have been worse seeing a hole in the ground she was going to go into, but she was adamant about being cremated. Even her sister said Connie had been emphatic about that even as a teenager. She didn't want any sort of service, and didn't want any fancy urn for her ashes. So the ashes are in a black plastic container that they handed to me in a cardboard box.
Didn't seem fitting for what the wonderful person she was in my life, but that is what she wanted.
Now I just have to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. But I really can't see past today.
Not sure if it would have been worse seeing a hole in the ground she was going to go into, but she was adamant about being cremated. Even her sister said Connie had been emphatic about that even as a teenager. She didn't want any sort of service, and didn't want any fancy urn for her ashes. So the ashes are in a black plastic container that they handed to me in a cardboard box.
Didn't seem fitting for what the wonderful person she was in my life, but that is what she wanted.
Now I just have to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. But I really can't see past today.
one day at a time Rich... you will pull through this..
DISCERN
Active member
I am so very sorry for this loss, my friend. Please know that you are loved and supported by so many.
Been one month since Connie passed away.
I would like to say that I am getting better, but honestly, I am not.
Too many things here to remind me of her. But if I were to get rid of them, then the place would feel like and empty lifeless shell.
I know I should distract myself with something, but just trying to work up the enthusiasm to do ANYTHING is pretty tough to do. I keep asking myself, "Why bother? What is it going to matter?"
I go to bed when I get tired, and I get up the next day when I can't stay in bed any longer because my body begins to ache. Which might be 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Can't come up with any good reason to get out of bed at all, to be honest.
I guess I will get over it eventually and get used to living alone for the rest of my life. Maybe..........
I would like to say that I am getting better, but honestly, I am not.
Too many things here to remind me of her. But if I were to get rid of them, then the place would feel like and empty lifeless shell.
I know I should distract myself with something, but just trying to work up the enthusiasm to do ANYTHING is pretty tough to do. I keep asking myself, "Why bother? What is it going to matter?"
I go to bed when I get tired, and I get up the next day when I can't stay in bed any longer because my body begins to ache. Which might be 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Can't come up with any good reason to get out of bed at all, to be honest.
I guess I will get over it eventually and get used to living alone for the rest of my life. Maybe..........
My sympathies for your loss. In my experience keeping busy is the way to keep your mind on other things. Cant promise the pain of loss will go away but It will get better day by day. Find a friend to call when you need to talk. Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers..
When someone asks me concerning Connie, "What is your relationship to the deceased?" How do I answer that? Ex-husband? Past husband? Husband? Widower? Dead Man Walking? 
I would probably say 'husband', Rich.
I'm not sure there's any one right answer, and if there's a wrong one you're quite allowed to say it and anyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it. So long as you don't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it, and are doing what you need right now, and are working to make tomorrow a little brighter, I think anything goes.
I'm not sure there's any one right answer, and if there's a wrong one you're quite allowed to say it and anyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it. So long as you don't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it, and are doing what you need right now, and are working to make tomorrow a little brighter, I think anything goes.
Well, OK. Which would mean Connie will always be my wife. But I wonder if Connie up in heaven still refers to me as being her husband when asked?
Last Christmas we got rid of our artificial Christmas tree after Christmas was over. It was unsaid, but I don't think either of us believed that Connie was going to make it to Christmas, 2023.
Consequently, there was no Christmas here. No decorations beyond my wrapping the garland of medical ID arm bands that Connie had made around the container with her cremains in them. I guess it is a sign of a damaged mind that I would think of doing something like that, but heck, I did it anyway.
What brings that to mind is that I was looking to see if she had stored away another crab steamer pot, and there was a box in the laundry room up on a shelf for one of those pots. Had to get a step stool, and it was above the washer, which made it real awkward to get to. It had other boxes piled on and around it. And to make matters worse, any of those boxes sitting on that shelf were like they were glued to it. So I am thinking we put those boxes up there LONG ago. Anyway, prying them off of the paint at that awkward angle really threw a kink into my lower back. Getting better, but I know it is waiting form me to make just one wrong little move and it will whack me again.
Nope, no crab pot in that box. But LOTS of Christmas ornaments and decorations which haven't seen the light of day in many a moon. And so were most of the other boxes filled with that stuff. So since I had them down from the shelf anyway, I piled those boxes near the front door with the intention of getting rid of all of them. But I know there is more in the front living room, and as well as in the closet in the bed room, with some spill over into the bed room itself. I am going to get rid of all that stuff. I don't ever expect to "celebrate" Christmas again in my remaining lifetime.
Maybe there are some things in those decorations that will have some special significance to me concerning Connie, but not sure how much I am going to want to be digging into that stuff.
I can't bring myself to go through her clothes yet to get rid of them. That might take me a while. I almost really lost it when she had one remaining night gown she wore a lot while she was sick that I needed to wash and dry, and I DID lose it quite a bit while I was folding it up to put it away. Unavoidable. I think she was actually cremated in one identical to that one which probably set the trigger on that trap.
She has lots of depression era glassware in multiple display cases and cabinets that I know should go to her family members. But not yet. The thought of seeing all those cabinets emptied and barren would be a whole lot worse than seeing that glassware she loved so much. So they will just have to wait till I am ready for that. Which very well could be never. Or at least till I kick the bucket too, of course.
Today (Saturday) will be 8 weeks since Connie died. I had a doctor's appointment on 01-04 so he could check on me and how I am doing on the Escitalopram he prescribed to me. It must have cumulative effects, as I felt much calmer than in the past. I felt like I could actually stand on a stage and give a speech in front of an audience of naked female chainsaw hookers from Mars and not stutter even once. I don't know how many of you have seen the Eddie Murphy movie called "Meet Dave", but I feel exactly like that. Like I am sitting in the control seat in my head moving levers and pressing buttons to make my body do things. Rather odd.....
Maybe I should have experimented with recreational drugs in my younger band playing years. Maybe I missed something.....
So I am still a husband and still have a wife that is up in heaven. Hmm, interesting. I wonder what THIS lever does...................................
Last Christmas we got rid of our artificial Christmas tree after Christmas was over. It was unsaid, but I don't think either of us believed that Connie was going to make it to Christmas, 2023.
Consequently, there was no Christmas here. No decorations beyond my wrapping the garland of medical ID arm bands that Connie had made around the container with her cremains in them. I guess it is a sign of a damaged mind that I would think of doing something like that, but heck, I did it anyway.
What brings that to mind is that I was looking to see if she had stored away another crab steamer pot, and there was a box in the laundry room up on a shelf for one of those pots. Had to get a step stool, and it was above the washer, which made it real awkward to get to. It had other boxes piled on and around it. And to make matters worse, any of those boxes sitting on that shelf were like they were glued to it. So I am thinking we put those boxes up there LONG ago. Anyway, prying them off of the paint at that awkward angle really threw a kink into my lower back. Getting better, but I know it is waiting form me to make just one wrong little move and it will whack me again.
Nope, no crab pot in that box. But LOTS of Christmas ornaments and decorations which haven't seen the light of day in many a moon. And so were most of the other boxes filled with that stuff. So since I had them down from the shelf anyway, I piled those boxes near the front door with the intention of getting rid of all of them. But I know there is more in the front living room, and as well as in the closet in the bed room, with some spill over into the bed room itself. I am going to get rid of all that stuff. I don't ever expect to "celebrate" Christmas again in my remaining lifetime.
Maybe there are some things in those decorations that will have some special significance to me concerning Connie, but not sure how much I am going to want to be digging into that stuff.
I can't bring myself to go through her clothes yet to get rid of them. That might take me a while. I almost really lost it when she had one remaining night gown she wore a lot while she was sick that I needed to wash and dry, and I DID lose it quite a bit while I was folding it up to put it away. Unavoidable. I think she was actually cremated in one identical to that one which probably set the trigger on that trap.
She has lots of depression era glassware in multiple display cases and cabinets that I know should go to her family members. But not yet. The thought of seeing all those cabinets emptied and barren would be a whole lot worse than seeing that glassware she loved so much. So they will just have to wait till I am ready for that. Which very well could be never. Or at least till I kick the bucket too, of course.
Today (Saturday) will be 8 weeks since Connie died. I had a doctor's appointment on 01-04 so he could check on me and how I am doing on the Escitalopram he prescribed to me. It must have cumulative effects, as I felt much calmer than in the past. I felt like I could actually stand on a stage and give a speech in front of an audience of naked female chainsaw hookers from Mars and not stutter even once. I don't know how many of you have seen the Eddie Murphy movie called "Meet Dave", but I feel exactly like that. Like I am sitting in the control seat in my head moving levers and pressing buttons to make my body do things. Rather odd.....
Maybe I should have experimented with recreational drugs in my younger band playing years. Maybe I missed something.....
So I am still a husband and still have a wife that is up in heaven. Hmm, interesting. I wonder what THIS lever does...................................
Well, today would have been my 46th wedding anniversary with Connie.