My dad wrote this....
Python Passage
You may recall that the last reptilian related excursion with my 15
year old son, Eric, placed us in the cross hairs of Hurricane Charlie last summer in Daytona Beach and its resulting wreckage and mayhem.
Therefore I
knew that our recent weekend excursion to the Annual Reptile Pet Expo in San Antonio from the time we planned to go would not be at all conventional as these slithering cross country experiences never are. Eric has now graduated to being an exhibitor at these events as he now sells his
snakes, geckos and tarantaulas to the public, other breeders and petstores.
He's made quite the leap into entrepenneurialism with his hobby. As a result I've had to suck it up for the good of the cause as I was not a snake or reptile fan initially. They scare the daylights out of me quite frankly. This show was a further leap into the reptile abyss as it was what
is termed a "hot" show meaning it features and sells poisonous snakes. Yikes! By and large Eric's stock of anmals are small and I rationalize to myself not harmful. However the day that we were to leave he gets a call
from a friend in Waco by the name of Stevo who knows we're going to the Show and he asks if we would help him to sell two of his snakes. Stevo is a twenty something and a reptile-based friend who used to work at a petstore near where Eric lives and is cash-strapped and needs money for
some legal entanglements he got himself into that need resolving with fast cash infusions to mount his legal defense. Now this is where it gets interesting. The two snakes that we are being asked to take down to San Antonio with us are a breeding pair which consists of an 18 foot female
and a 12 foot male rerticulated python. The female weighs 120 pounds and the male seventy. We are talking very thickly girthed horror movie quality in the wild threatening looking creatures from my perspective. Right? Eric of
course wanted to help his friend and asked if I would comply with his friend's request and could we stop in Waco, Texas along the way to pick these gargantuan snakes up? After a few minutes of him quelling my nerves and assuring me he could handle snakes of this size, I finally stupidly said why not? It will make the weekend an experience to remember but I doubt to savor. Now I'd just bought a new pickup recently and this was to be its first cargo. What an audacious beginning for the truck, eh? So off we go with his two containers of relatively small critters for the
Show. About two hours later it is nightfall and we are waiting at a service station in Waco for Stevo to show with the Pythons. Of course he's running late which makes this endeavor all the more anxious for me. We are told we'll be abIe to recognize his car easily as it is black and missing
the front right fender. So there we are Eric and I waiting, waiting and waiting till he suddenly rolls up with parking lot gravel flying to us in the parking lot with headlights ablazing and out from the car steps this spiked hair on both sides, shaved bald down the middle of his head figure who just
had to be Stevo. He didn't get out of the car. He popped out as if spring loaded. The only way I can explain his appearance and aura were like something from out of an early Sean Penn Bad Boy Movie. He spoke with an
extremely fast clipped cadence that I believe was our native tongue but it went nowhere with me. However Eric understood the gist of the discussion. After awhile of this banter of introductions and catching up on past and
current events, the boys loaded the two containers of Pythons into the truck bed and off we went into the night to San Antonio. Apparently I made
a positive impression on our freaky friend as I'd received a three part touch palms, join knuckles and finally shake hands handshake as we were saying goodbye. Now the story does not end there. Now I'm gonna give you a big warning and helpful hint as to staying in a hotel where a Reptile Expo
is near because guess what? The vendors for at least the first night before the show often have to keep their stock somewhere and guess where that is most often. It is snuck into the hotels where they're staying. So beware if you're looking for accommodations in the vicinity ever of one of these shows. Anyway we get to San Antonio about 10 pm and what does your favorite government media specialist have to do? He had to get a rolling cart from the Marriott Courtyard we stayed at and clandestinely have to sneak all
the reptile stock for the show and the two behemoth pythons into our room on the second floor. One of the containers is completely transparent so there's no doubt whatsoever what the contents is if anyone were paying
the slightest attention. Luckily we made it in undetected and survived the same outgoing drill in the morning. This is all obviously very stressy stuff and not something I want to have to explain to hotel management or worse the local authorities. Now a fifteen year old with two huge pythons
in a hotel room in containers is a potential accident waiting to happen. Naturally due to curiosity he wants to open the containers and take them out and handle them. Your favorite government media specialist of course is vehemently opposed to the idea. I would have no earthly idea what to do if the situation got out of control. Eric assures me that he's had experience with this sort of thing and has in fact handled more challenging and dangerous Anacondas skillfully. So he develops a strategy for bringing the 18 foot female out and what to do if she becomes unmanageable. He's very
confident with the situation (I'm not and can visualize the morning paper's headline, "North Texas Boy Strangled by Python in local hotel. Negligent father held for questioning in the case") till he opens the lid to the container and she immediately lunges out at him. He closes the container
and repeats the same exercise and this time she lunges out at him even further while hissing. I am profusely thankful that each time that she retreats she does not come out of her container and begin laying claim to our very nicely appointed Marriott hotel room. These hostile displays thankfully thwart my son's confidence finally and he admits that his Dad was correct to leave well enough alone. Huge pythons do not like to ride in pickup beds for 250 miles on a bumpy highway and then get messed with upon their arrival to new and strange surroundings. Now what's it like attending
a Reptile Expo? This year's third and fourth quarter for me has been one where I've attended more government market related trade shows than I can remember in recent memory. Just about all of them tend to be professional
and entirely white collar oriented with a generally conservative-natured crowd. The San Antonio Reptile Expo in contrast is quite frankly the polar opposite. I was probably one of the few in attendance and maybe the only
one whose body does not support an earring or a tattoo. Also my t-shirt sleeves are intact not cut to the shoulder holes I also don't have a rude
or shock value type saying written on the front. I did wear however an official Animal Planet Crocodile Hunter t-shirt that I sported for the event. It got some good reviews yet my persona couldn't be further from the truth. Eric had a very successful show that weekend and we'd even sold
thank goodness the mega monstrous python breeding pair and financially helped out his early Sean Penn Bad Boy vintaged friend Stevo who was thankful for the cash funding. Speaking of taking in cash, you'll never realize more investment potential in sales growth in 2006 than what can
be received from GPN's January Master Guide and Reference File issue. This is always the highest inquiry generator of the year and provides the most bonus exposures. The health of the government market has never been better.
Several weeks ago USA Today reported that State tax collections are at an all time high due to the robust general economy of 2005. Many states in fact are experiencing surpluses with their planned budgets. The over $2
Trillion government market can be a major difference maker for your company in 2006 so take advantage by calling me to be in GPN's best and largest issue of the year in January. I look forward to your call and wish you the
best in 2006 and the upcoming holiday season!
Keep in mind this was written in order to humorous not offensive to anyone here.
Eric
Python Passage
You may recall that the last reptilian related excursion with my 15
year old son, Eric, placed us in the cross hairs of Hurricane Charlie last summer in Daytona Beach and its resulting wreckage and mayhem.
Therefore I
knew that our recent weekend excursion to the Annual Reptile Pet Expo in San Antonio from the time we planned to go would not be at all conventional as these slithering cross country experiences never are. Eric has now graduated to being an exhibitor at these events as he now sells his
snakes, geckos and tarantaulas to the public, other breeders and petstores.
He's made quite the leap into entrepenneurialism with his hobby. As a result I've had to suck it up for the good of the cause as I was not a snake or reptile fan initially. They scare the daylights out of me quite frankly. This show was a further leap into the reptile abyss as it was what
is termed a "hot" show meaning it features and sells poisonous snakes. Yikes! By and large Eric's stock of anmals are small and I rationalize to myself not harmful. However the day that we were to leave he gets a call
from a friend in Waco by the name of Stevo who knows we're going to the Show and he asks if we would help him to sell two of his snakes. Stevo is a twenty something and a reptile-based friend who used to work at a petstore near where Eric lives and is cash-strapped and needs money for
some legal entanglements he got himself into that need resolving with fast cash infusions to mount his legal defense. Now this is where it gets interesting. The two snakes that we are being asked to take down to San Antonio with us are a breeding pair which consists of an 18 foot female
and a 12 foot male rerticulated python. The female weighs 120 pounds and the male seventy. We are talking very thickly girthed horror movie quality in the wild threatening looking creatures from my perspective. Right? Eric of
course wanted to help his friend and asked if I would comply with his friend's request and could we stop in Waco, Texas along the way to pick these gargantuan snakes up? After a few minutes of him quelling my nerves and assuring me he could handle snakes of this size, I finally stupidly said why not? It will make the weekend an experience to remember but I doubt to savor. Now I'd just bought a new pickup recently and this was to be its first cargo. What an audacious beginning for the truck, eh? So off we go with his two containers of relatively small critters for the
Show. About two hours later it is nightfall and we are waiting at a service station in Waco for Stevo to show with the Pythons. Of course he's running late which makes this endeavor all the more anxious for me. We are told we'll be abIe to recognize his car easily as it is black and missing
the front right fender. So there we are Eric and I waiting, waiting and waiting till he suddenly rolls up with parking lot gravel flying to us in the parking lot with headlights ablazing and out from the car steps this spiked hair on both sides, shaved bald down the middle of his head figure who just
had to be Stevo. He didn't get out of the car. He popped out as if spring loaded. The only way I can explain his appearance and aura were like something from out of an early Sean Penn Bad Boy Movie. He spoke with an
extremely fast clipped cadence that I believe was our native tongue but it went nowhere with me. However Eric understood the gist of the discussion. After awhile of this banter of introductions and catching up on past and
current events, the boys loaded the two containers of Pythons into the truck bed and off we went into the night to San Antonio. Apparently I made
a positive impression on our freaky friend as I'd received a three part touch palms, join knuckles and finally shake hands handshake as we were saying goodbye. Now the story does not end there. Now I'm gonna give you a big warning and helpful hint as to staying in a hotel where a Reptile Expo
is near because guess what? The vendors for at least the first night before the show often have to keep their stock somewhere and guess where that is most often. It is snuck into the hotels where they're staying. So beware if you're looking for accommodations in the vicinity ever of one of these shows. Anyway we get to San Antonio about 10 pm and what does your favorite government media specialist have to do? He had to get a rolling cart from the Marriott Courtyard we stayed at and clandestinely have to sneak all
the reptile stock for the show and the two behemoth pythons into our room on the second floor. One of the containers is completely transparent so there's no doubt whatsoever what the contents is if anyone were paying
the slightest attention. Luckily we made it in undetected and survived the same outgoing drill in the morning. This is all obviously very stressy stuff and not something I want to have to explain to hotel management or worse the local authorities. Now a fifteen year old with two huge pythons
in a hotel room in containers is a potential accident waiting to happen. Naturally due to curiosity he wants to open the containers and take them out and handle them. Your favorite government media specialist of course is vehemently opposed to the idea. I would have no earthly idea what to do if the situation got out of control. Eric assures me that he's had experience with this sort of thing and has in fact handled more challenging and dangerous Anacondas skillfully. So he develops a strategy for bringing the 18 foot female out and what to do if she becomes unmanageable. He's very
confident with the situation (I'm not and can visualize the morning paper's headline, "North Texas Boy Strangled by Python in local hotel. Negligent father held for questioning in the case") till he opens the lid to the container and she immediately lunges out at him. He closes the container
and repeats the same exercise and this time she lunges out at him even further while hissing. I am profusely thankful that each time that she retreats she does not come out of her container and begin laying claim to our very nicely appointed Marriott hotel room. These hostile displays thankfully thwart my son's confidence finally and he admits that his Dad was correct to leave well enough alone. Huge pythons do not like to ride in pickup beds for 250 miles on a bumpy highway and then get messed with upon their arrival to new and strange surroundings. Now what's it like attending
a Reptile Expo? This year's third and fourth quarter for me has been one where I've attended more government market related trade shows than I can remember in recent memory. Just about all of them tend to be professional
and entirely white collar oriented with a generally conservative-natured crowd. The San Antonio Reptile Expo in contrast is quite frankly the polar opposite. I was probably one of the few in attendance and maybe the only
one whose body does not support an earring or a tattoo. Also my t-shirt sleeves are intact not cut to the shoulder holes I also don't have a rude
or shock value type saying written on the front. I did wear however an official Animal Planet Crocodile Hunter t-shirt that I sported for the event. It got some good reviews yet my persona couldn't be further from the truth. Eric had a very successful show that weekend and we'd even sold
thank goodness the mega monstrous python breeding pair and financially helped out his early Sean Penn Bad Boy vintaged friend Stevo who was thankful for the cash funding. Speaking of taking in cash, you'll never realize more investment potential in sales growth in 2006 than what can
be received from GPN's January Master Guide and Reference File issue. This is always the highest inquiry generator of the year and provides the most bonus exposures. The health of the government market has never been better.
Several weeks ago USA Today reported that State tax collections are at an all time high due to the robust general economy of 2005. Many states in fact are experiencing surpluses with their planned budgets. The over $2
Trillion government market can be a major difference maker for your company in 2006 so take advantage by calling me to be in GPN's best and largest issue of the year in January. I look forward to your call and wish you the
best in 2006 and the upcoming holiday season!
Keep in mind this was written in order to humorous not offensive to anyone here.
Eric